Today I’m bombarded by a barrage of sentences at work. I’m compiling instructor guides so that they can easily pull up activities for their students. I exhausted my own resources last week; this week the list was in my inbox again. I need more. My boss called it a war on the way out. It’s the War on Ignorance. Every bit as important as the war on terror, but not as well-funded. That last statement was the most understated thing I have ever said. And that one, was the most.
Before I ramble some more, I’ve decided that this blog will be all about things related to war. Don’t worry, I don’t like dwelling on death either, so it’s not going to be morose. And, because it keeps me in order, I’m doing the list of ten thing again.
10. I want to know what is so wonderful about a high and tight haircut and aviators. I feel the same way toward them as I do a piece of art. Granted, I’m quite happy to stay behind the velvet rope, but wow. Must be a Top Gun thing.
9. I want to know why this miniature monster from Alien was in my house the other night. I’m fairly certain it’s not indigenous, and, like any good American, I’m demanding it goes back where it came from.
It chased me around my house before I slammed a glass down on it, chopping off its front legs. I sat there counting, confused, looking at the two severed legs on the floor and the eight still attached to the beast charging at the glass. For those of you who may not know, spiders typically have eight legs. A google search and a chat with my sister confirmed that this is a camel spider, a native of the Middle Eastern deserts. Logically, I can assure myself that it just piggy backed with some returning airman on base, 20 miles away. Naturally, I choose to believe this is a bug invasion ala Starship Troopers. Neil Patrick Harris is probably going to set up a lab in my front bedroom to figure out new and interesting ways to kill it. I’ll tell him a high-heeled shoe works great. They also work as hammers in a pinch.
Boy, that’s an image isn’t it? Troops sashaying around in stilettos. I demand they keep their combat gear though. That’s amusing.
8. Why, when I know that it isn’t going to make me win, do I continually put so many of my Risk pieces on Russia. Didn’t I learn from Napoleon or Hitler? No? Ok. Let’s hope I’m never a tyrant.
7. Three reasons you should elect me tyrant. 1. I care about healthcare, education, and happiness over things like defense and security. 2. I would hardly ever put anyone to death, and probably never for political reasons. 3. I’d look awesome in a frufy uniform.
6. I think we should stop having wars and start having water fights. Screw nukes. The country with the most water pistol factories wins. Prizes are first choice of popsicle.
5. When the news scares me and stresses me, I tend to have dreams in which I am one bad mamajama. The most recent one involved me taking out an entire drug cartel because they kidnapped someone of whom I’m fond. The cartel called me La Roja and had stylized tattoos of me on their forearms with either a red X or bullet holes in the forehead. I was pretty cool.
4. I’ve been working on a writing project that involves war for several months now. I’m pretty tired of thinking about it. War, not the project. Actually, that’s a lie. It’s evolved out of my control and I’ve never been very stick-with-it.
3. A 15-year-old kid once explained to me that the Kilroy symbol (below) was just something he thought up. “It’s kinda like my brand.” He told me as he leaned casually against the refrigerator on which he’d scribbled it. I, bound by duty and license, gave him a lengthy history lesson. In the end, he said, “Awesome, maybe I’m a time traveler.” I wanted to adopt him on the spot.
2. As I’m writing this list, all I can think about is Jackie Chan singing “War.”
1. War, huh, good God y’all! What is it good for? Absolutely nothing! Sing it again y’all! No, I didn’t run out of this to say. That was perfectly appropriate