Guest Post: Why I Wouldn’t Want to be a Superhero


Today’s post comes from a very good young writer, Marissa. It’d be grand if we could leave Marissa a few encouraging words because then, when she inevitably becomes a super villain, she won’t use her freezeray on us.

*****

On the surface, being a superhero seems like it would be really great. I would obviously have some awesome powers like flying, super strength, and high pitched screeching. Perhaps the latter is a bit too Michael Jackson-ish. I would have some man who unconditionally loves me. I would fly across the country screeching his name any time I lost him, and he would know I am out there looking. Even with the fame, awesome powers, and my wonderful hunk of man right next to me, I would choose not to be a super hero in a heartbeat. I know what you are thinking, “How could you NOT want that?! Superhero= Coolest. Job. Ever.” Well, if you would quit asking questions and let me move on I will tell you with this handy dandy little list and awesome illustrations. Just kidding about the illustrations, I’m not superwoman. Quit expecting me to do everything around here and make your own drawings.
1.      Responsibility.
– As a superhero, I would always have to be saving the world. Forget the new batman movie and the Star Trek Doctor Who comic. I would never get more than five minutes into anything without being called out on some special assignment. Saving the world everyday is exhausting, but I would have to forget getting a full eight hours of sleep. I would always have to choose between my family and saving the world. I could not really choose my family because then I would be enemy number one for allowing the world to get annihilated. That sure is a lot to bear. I would need therapy, but who am I kidding? Therapy takes an hour; I won’t have time for that.
2.      New Hero= New villain.
– It’s an undeniable truth, it happens in every super hero movie or comic or TV show every seen. When a new hero shows up, so does a new villain, often caused by the hero’s own doing. Once that villain is defeated, another shows up, and another, and another. Villains show when heroes exist.
3.      Mistakes.
– Even if the villains I face are defeated time and time again, there are still mistakes made. No amount of powers could actually make a perfect person. People die. Evil happens, and you lose faith in yourself and your abilities and are many times brought down by the public. In “The Incredibles,” the super heroes are all sued because of the injuries people acquired while they were being saved. Someone almost always dies; Spiderman’s Uncle Ben, Doctor Who’s entire species along with a few of his companions, wolverines parents and girlfriend.
4.      Love.
– Every leading hero falls in love. That is just how it works, and if I am going to be a superhero, then I am going to be a lead. Sure, I have this loving man and I try to protect him by not telling him, but then I have to tell him to keep him safe from harm. This only puts him in more danger because he wants to be close to me and help me but he only ends up getting kidnapped and I have to save him over and over again and it is this whole big dramatic problem. I know the gender roles are usually different here, the girl needs saving and the guy gets the powers, but that isn’t how I work, I call dibs on being the possible superhero for any and all of my future relationships. If anyone gets to fly and make high pitched screeches, it’s me. Anyways, that is really a lot of hassle to go through for just one guy. What if we break up? Will I have to do it all over again?
5.      Spandex.
-‘nuff said.

Being a superhero may seem “super,” but it comes with a lot of pain, responsibility, and unnecessary chafing. It would probably be easier to be a super villain. I could secretly plot to take over the world, and then convince everyone that they love me. War won’t be an issue. The whole world will be separated into regions and I will appoint rulers for each region and they will give me money and troops monthly, only making me stronger and better. Everyone and their respective household pets will crumble underneath my power and serve me faithfully! Bwahahahahahaha! But of course I would be beaten by some self-absorbed, pained super hero who has some sort of a vendetta against me because I killed, maimed, or otherwise stole away someone (or some kitty) that they loved. Then I would be put in some high security cell for the rest of my life going crazy as I curse the name of [insert hero here] every day just before they give me my happy meds….. On second thought I think I will just be normal. Or as normal as a nerdy white girl can be.

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About charliegreenberry

I grew up in the wilds of New Mexico in a strange combination of free and restricted. Now, as I stumble unwillingly into adulthood, I find memories resurfacing. So I dust them off, sand them, slap on a coat of paint and display them with the hopes that at some point they'll make sense and pull the room together. The blog is a space for writing, for sharing, someday sharing without worrying about who is reading it, and a place to practice. Virginia Woolf said, "A woman must have money and a room of her own if she is to write fiction." Well, here's to having a room at least.
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One Response to Guest Post: Why I Wouldn’t Want to be a Superhero

  1. deshipley says:

    A persuasive list, Marissa. You are clearly one of the wise few who’ve thought out the “To be or not to be super?” argument thoroughly. Appealing as the thought of attaining epic powers yet is, I guess nerdy normalcy has its perks, too.

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