Monstrous Indelicate

A student asked me how old I was a few days ago. I wasn’t taken aback because I’m used to indelicate questions from the mouths of students. I was, however, a tad offended by their response to my answer. They pegged me for 10 years older than I really am. I realize that, as part of the job, I dress a bit older than my age, but I was also horrible offended. To make matters worse, that night I wasn’t carded as I bought a bottle of wine.

My boss tried very diplomatically to make me feel better by telling me that I am an old soul and that I have a “classic” look. She told me I could fit in the 20s or maybe the 40s. That was flattering, but I was still passing for 10 years older than I am in whatever decade I find myself.

I’ve considered buying wrinkle cream. That stuff is unreasonably pricey. Even if it works (doubtful), who spends that much money on a tiny pot of goo (desperate people). I’m not desperate. I’m just prematurely old.

As a result of my extreme aging, I’ve been thinking about a list I wrote several years ago of things I would do when I was old.

1. When I am an old lady, I will not worry about hurting delicate feelings. I will ask impertinent questions. I will make stupid jokes. I will not worry about the consequences.

2. When I am an old lady, I will wear large hats everywhere. I will not worry about blocking anyone’s view. I will sit in front rows everywhere I go.

3. When I am an old lady, I will drink champagne with my best friends. We will get matching butt tattoos and embarrass our grandchildren with them.

4. When I am an old lady,  I will learn random phrases in other 7. When I am an old lady,languages and throw them casually into conversation without cause.

5. When I am an old lady, I will jump out of airplanes on the weekends. I will blow my retirement fund paragliding in South America. I will not leave anything for my children but memories.

6. When I am an old lady, I will offer unsolicited advice to everyone.

7. When I am an old lady, I will slow dance in public places.

8. When I am an old lady, I will not worry about what is good or bad. I will worry about what is fun.

9. When I am an old lady, I will goose my partner in public. I will call him Hot Stuff and watch the young people blush.

10. When I am an old lady, I will sleep in a hammock under the stars.

You know, maybe it’s time to just be an old lady now.




About charliegreenberry

I grew up in the wilds of New Mexico in a strange combination of free and restricted. Now, as I stumble unwillingly into adulthood, I find memories resurfacing. So I dust them off, sand them, slap on a coat of paint and display them with the hopes that at some point they'll make sense and pull the room together. The blog is a space for writing, for sharing, someday sharing without worrying about who is reading it, and a place to practice. Virginia Woolf said, "A woman must have money and a room of her own if she is to write fiction." Well, here's to having a room at least.
This entry was posted in adulthood, day dreams, inspiration, lists, love. Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Monstrous Indelicate

  1. Amanda says:

    Love #9! LOL!

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